Singlehandedly

Sometimes maintaining is good enough. In fact, if you think about it, maintaining is more than "good enough." For me, maintaining includes washing seven or eight loads of laundry per week and dishes daily. It means keeping the kids fed and the kitchen stocked (well enough), getting the bills paid, straightening the house, keeping the car running (even if I wait more than 5,000 miles between oil changes). On top of that, I work 40+ hours per week (plus the commute), swim or work out a few times a week, spend time with friends and family, read books, papers and magazines, take care of school/doc appointments, taxi kids around, etc. etc. etc. If it sounds exhausting, it is. Maintaining also means that I get some sleep :-)

I am learning not to be so hard on myself if I cannot get to the bigger projects right now -- like painting rooms in my house or even organizing my office. I am learning to accept compliments -- when I hear stuff like "That's amazing; I don't know how you do it all." I say "Thanks," and keep myself from pointing out that my carpets and closets have not been cleaned in years. I also am learning to accept help (thanks H. for cutting my 6' weeds and mowing my backyard) without feeling too guilty or too beholden... (well not quite, but I am working on it).

So "maintaining is more than good enough" has become my new mantra...

posted by Terri @ 8:16 PM 0 comments

Being a single parent is incredibly difficult, so avoid it if you can. (Though I do know from personal experience that sometimes it is the best choice.)

One of the things that I find particularly challenging is taking care of appointments -- mine and the kids -- while trying to work. Think about it -- annual wellness visits, twice annual dentist appointments, eye doctor visits, orthodontist (monthly or more). And that is just for two kids. Add to that my own appointments -- which this year included frequent visits to the surgeon who fixed my wrist and two weekly visits to the physical therapist -- and I felt like I was spending more time in doctors' waiting rooms than in my office. (I won't even go into vet appointments for the cats or school-related appointment. Who has time to work?)

Try and simplify. I did finally switch the kids to local dentist and doctors. Adding the almost two-hour commute to the kids' dentist appointments -- as much as we loved the dentist -- just did not seem worth it after awhile. I've also arrange it so that my folks have my consent to take the kids to appointments and get needed medical information in return.

For awhile I was trying to get all their appointments scheduled for the summer so that school was not disrupted too much. But ended up disrupting too much work in a short period of time. So know I try and spread the appointments out over the year.

Appointments will always be a part of parenting -- if I find more ways to make it easier, I will let you know.

posted by Terri @ 7:17 PM 1 comments

This one will be quick, as I have more questions than answers... I am trying to figure out how to combine being a full-time single mom with dating. It was much easier to date/be in a relationship when the kids would visit their dad every weekend. I could separate the two parts of me -- mom and woman. But the separation did not ultimately feel right (what a concept to be able to merge the two).

My kids are old enough now that I can leave them to go out occasionally, so the real question is about what to tell them and when. I try to keep my personal life to myself around them (though at 13 -- and a half -- my daughter is astute enough to figure some things out).

And what if the dating leads to a relationship? How does that all fit together? If I figure it out, I will let you know.

posted by Terri @ 9:40 AM 1 comments