Singlehandedly

As I see it, there are different levels of single parenting. When I was first divorced (five years ago today, actually), my kids' dad had them every other weekend -- 24 hours from Saturday to Sunday. At first, I did not quite know how to be on my own. But I soon "got a life." I was able to reconnect with my fabulous friends and family. Every other week did not seem like much time at all. It evolved into every Friday evening and every other weekend. So for one day a week, I did not have to rush home from work to pick the kids up from day care. I could actually hang out half the night in Jim and Judy's hot tub.

I felt awful for my friends who had no break -- who were full-time moms all the time, 24/7, with kids who were too young to be left alone -- even for a few minutes for a trip to the corner store for milk. I was (and still am) amazed at their strength and abilities. I saw it as overwhelming, and I did not know how they did it. I was able to not be a mom for a while every week. I was able to get into a relationship (and go for motorcycle rides to Estes on a whim). That life lasted for a couple of years, and we all adjusted well. And I was getting child support -- life was really good.

About a year and a half ago, all that came to an end -- my relationship ended, child support ended and my kids' weekends with their dad ended. And it has taken a long time to adjust. I've had to learn what it means to be a full-time single mom. Fortunately now my daughter is old enough to watch her 10-year-old brother once in awhile. I am starting to get some much needed breaks.

I have friends who split their kids' time equally with their exes (one week here and one week there -- or some variation on that). On one level I envy that -- and the ability to have time to myself. But on another level, I like the fact that I am the only person making decisions about my kids, and that they don't have to adjust to two different environments and different rules.

Another friend's kids visit her grandparents for the summer, so she is either full-time mom or full-time not. Since I don't know this scenario first hand, I am guessing that it would take some adjusting each time the kids left and each time they came back.

I guess no matter what the situation, we adjust and adapt. That seems to be the one constant.

posted by Terri @ 12:12 PM