As I see it, there are different levels of single parenting. When I was first divorced (five years ago today, actually), my kids' dad had them every other weekend -- 24 hours from Saturday to Sunday. At first, I did not quite know how to be on my own. But I soon "got a life." I was able to reconnect with my fabulous friends and family. Every other week did not seem like much time at all. It evolved into every Friday evening and every other weekend. So for one day a week, I did not have to rush home from work to pick the kids up from day care. I could actually hang out half the night in Jim and Judy's hot tub.
I felt awful for my friends who had no break -- who were
full-time moms all the time, 24/7, with kids who were too young to be left alone -- even for a few minutes for a trip to the corner store for milk. I was (and still am) amazed at their strength and abilities. I saw it as overwhelming, and I did not know how they did it. I was able to
not be a mom for a while every week. I was able to get into a relationship (and go for motorcycle rides to Estes on a whim). That life lasted for a couple of years, and we all adjusted well. And I was getting child support -- life was really good.
About a year and a half ago, all that came to an end -- my relationship ended, child support ended and my kids' weekends with their dad ended. And it has taken a long time to adjust. I've had to learn what it means to be a full-time single mom. Fortunately now my daughter is old enough to watch her 10-year-old brother once in awhile. I am starting to get some much needed breaks.
I have friends who
split their kids' time equally with their exes (one week here and one week there -- or some variation on that). On one level I envy that -- and the ability to have time to myself. But on another level, I like the fact that I am the only person making decisions about my kids, and that they don't have to adjust to two different environments and different rules.
Another friend's
kids visit her grandparents for the summer, so she is either full-time mom or full-time not. Since I don't know this scenario first hand, I am guessing that it would take some adjusting each time the kids left and each time they came back.
I guess no matter what the situation, we adjust and adapt. That seems to be the one constant.
"Why the blog?" I have been writing (in my head) "newspaper columns" about being a single mom for years. I was talking with a friend who suggested that I actually write them down and publish them in a blog. Maybe others would be able to relate...
I tend to see everything through my "single mom" filter. I do realize that as a single mom, I am not always doing things "singlehandedly." I am so fortunate to have the help and support of a ton of family and friends. But I also recognize that even with help, at the end of the day, I am on my own. Sometimes that is just fine -- other times it is incredibly overwhelming.
"Being a single parent is a full-time job." The way I see it, it is really three full-time jobs (at least). I work 40+ hours at the University in human resources to support my family and because I like it. Taking care of my kids is a second full-time job. Taking care of the house, yard and car is the third full-time job. No wonder I feel overwhelmed. When something has to give, it is usually the house/yard/car piece that goes. For me it is definitely the back yard, though I do try to keep up appearances with the front yard. No joke, there are weeds in the back yard taller than me -- and I am 6' tall!
I would love to hear what you have to say. Maybe there are some great tips out there for parenting "singlehandedly."
